Dream Interpretation

What the HELL is going on with my dreams?

I mean forget that I keep moving through my family tree dreaming of ways my family members are out to get me (this latest one had my sister with nipple rings driving drunk with Jericho from WWE). Last night I dreamt two things:

1. There were small snakes in the carpeting and a crew of people trained to remove them. When they found the snakes they had to grab them, wrap the snakes around their hands tightly, then bite off their noses.

2. I went to lunch in my school's cafeteria (??) and my old yoga teacher was handing out the food. I was starving but the only options appeared to be some Yoplait in the flavor of jalapeno.

Movie Review: An Education

I was looking forward to seeing this movie because I like Peter Sarsgaard and I love coming of age stories.

This is a movie about a British chick in the 50s who is set to go to Oxford but meets an intriguing older dude who takes her on adventures and has her rethinking her future. She runs around with him and has some great fun and then learns the dude is a douchebag and she has to make amends.

I liked this movie a lot. I think Peter Sarsgaard is a great actor (although totally creepy and ugly). I love the idea of watching a woman grow up in the fifties and deal with all of those things... I definitely saw some of myself in the movie.

Great movie. Awesome soundtrack. Lots of fun.

DisneyWorld

Disneyworld in 6 days.

I have to remember my purse that looks like a panda's head. And my hair barrettes that look like Minnie Mouse's ears. And my sun screen. And my camera. I can get a hat there. Need to figure out where the pineapple dole whip place is. Sunglasses. Turn off my mail. Cell phone charger.

Ugh I'm So Hungry

This is the worst thing.

It's 9:58pm. I'd like to be asleep by 10:45. But I'm starving!

Do I eat something and risk finding my second wind?

Do I go to bed hungry, and dream of fooood, glorious fooood?

Ugh I'm So Stupid

I am so stupid. Seriously, I question the judgment of those who choose to spend time with me.

So my friend had a baby. Posted pictures on Facebook. And great ol' Molly, first thing I post on her wall is "Hey congratulations, you're a MILF!"


I need help. The professional kind.

Why I Love Target and November

Target has some inSANE post-Halloween deals going on. All of the best candy has been picked over but they still have plenty of stupid clothing.

Check out these two shirts I got! The top one is 99 cents and the other one was $1.87. Not bad, eh???

Hallo-weiner Pictures

Ode To J, At My Target

J. Oh Sweet J.
I see you every-so-often,
When I come in
For a Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizza.
I only like the cheese flavor.
I never get the breadsticks.
I see your awards on the wall,
Awards for making the best pizzas.
Don't think it goes unnoticed.

My J. Always J,
What I like best about you is
probably your blue eyes
But I also appreciate the way
you make those personal pan pizzas
I don't understand why a guy like you
is working at the food court of a Target
You could have been a model
Or an OC house husband

Maybe one day we'll find each other
You, on a 15 minute break
Me, buying some tampons
And our eyes will meet
Over the fizz of the fresh fountain cokes.
And then you and I will both say to each other:
Let's trade our personal pan pizzas
for a large pan pizza we can split.

Men. Men. And More Men.

I don't meet men because my interests are inherently antisocial or feminine.

- Rollerskating. Went with my sister, bro-in-law, niece, nephew, nephew's friend. There were actual MEN there this time. Men with grey mustaches. Men with reallllllly short shorts on. Men with girlfriends. No men for me.

- Airplane. Sat on the airplane next to a young man with huge toes. I know this because he took his shoes off FIRST THING upon finding his seat. And owned an iPhone, a Kindle, a bunch of other electronic shit, and NO Nintendo DS. 'Uhh say what? Priorities, sir! You need to get some!

- Airplane, Part Deux. Me in my seat next to a distinguished older gentleman, and I realize I have no tissues. So I am using napkins until those give out then I move on to my sweater. ::sigh::

Yes, I know, I know, I need another hobby besides boy-scouting. :) One day.

Minor Life Updates

Not much to tell. I'm still wheezing and coughing and blowing my nose about 200x per day, but I'm pretending to be healthy again. Haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS. But I have eaten my body weight in strawberry sorbet.

Tomorrow morning I head to Phoenix for a weekend with my kids. They've been too busy to talk to me on the phone lately so I hope to get their attention when I'm right there in front of them with car keys in one hand and an open wallet in the other. LETS GO HAVE FUN, PEOPLE!!

I want to see my parents two new kittens. Apparently - and this is a story I'm telling you second hand - my dad nixed the name "Patches" to instead name one of the kats "Max". Sounds the same to the untrained ear, I claim, and you can't turn the name Patches into disgusting personal hygiene products. That's all I'm saying.

Had what could be considered 1.5 dates this week, both of them going ok I guess. I feel like I haven't yet met a guy who really knocked my socks off ... well, at least I haven't met one who also thought I was sock-knocking. Err. Was also knocking socks off. Errr. Was. Well. You get what I'm trying to say.

Did I tell you about my new iPhone app that plays a rimshot whenever you hit the button? I can't begin to tell you how this app has transformed my life. All of my horribly crappy jokes seem so much better when followed up with a rimshot. "Ba dum CHEEEEE!"

Movie Review: Coco Before Chanel

The Knitter and I had planned to see "Where The Wild Things Are" Saturday while JFO was at yoga. I woke up Saturday morning feeling pretty awful (see previous post) and thought I might have to cancel the movie. I also have to tell you, Dear Diary, that I was kind of dreading seeing the movie. I love Spike Jonze, generally speaking, but I just have no interest in that movie. And I didn't feel like crying.

So I went over to their house and broke the news to The Knitter. He was ok with skipping "Where The Wild Things Are" and seeing something else. We decided on "Coco Before Chanel" at E Street.

It's a good movie- French with subtitles. I enjoyed it. I love Audrey Tatou and it was neat learning about Chanel before she got famous.

And of course I love the idea of an independent woman who never marries and instead allows herself to enjoy all that life has to offer!

So I leave it to the words of Brendan Benson --

Well I don't know what I'm looking for
But I know that I just want to look some more
And I won't be satisfied 'til there's nothing left that I haven't tried
For some people it's an easy choice
But for me there's a devil and an angel's voice
Well I don't know what I am looking for
But I know that I just wanna look some more

You Think It Won't Happen To You . . .

It hasn't happened in about 2 years, so I thought maybe I could keep my streak alive. But for the last month or so I've felt it coming on ... you know, the dryness on the roof of your mouth, and the phlegm that feels like it's coagulating into a little ball in your throat.

I've been taking care to work out regularly, eat a lot, and drink at least one Coke daily to keep my health steady. But no. I woke up today and it has happened.

I'm sick.

Let's see if absence has made the heart a little fonder. So far it doesn't seem that way.

Let's see if ignoring the illness will make it go away. So far it doesn't seem that way.